Can't touch me!

I'll take you back to my home town
Back to where they broke me down

Tyranny of the present is also tyranny of the past. Somebody said that, and for the life of me I can't remember but I'm not wading through my history notes to find out who. (Suffice to say it was in relation to Mao, no surprises there.)

.....................

Watched American Beauty on Friday night. I think it's a really interesting movie, and I think it was a real pioneer in its time (7 years ago, gee that's a long time!) and I can see where movies like The Chumscrubber, and TV shows like Desperate Housewives owe their dues.

I was struck by the vulnerability by perfectgorgeoussuperhotskinnyblondecheerleaderAngela. Slut that she appeared to be at the beginning of the movie, the poor thing bawled her eyes out after this confrontation -

Angela Hayes: Yeah? Well at least I'm not ugly!
Ricky Fitts: Yes you are, and you're boring and totally ordinary and you know it.
*Angela runs out of room and sits on the stairs sobbing*

A nice quote from the movie - "There's nothing worse in life then being ordinary." How true, and how sad. I think all our lives we fight against ordinariness, and the horrifying prospect of descending into crushing mediocrity. I think at some point in time everyone thinks, "I want to fit in with everyone else, but at the same time I don't want to be like everyone else. There has to be a way to discern me from the masses, to see that I'm not just some oily, greased-up cog in the machinations of society."

.....................

I don't know why I agreed to go to the formal with B---. It's not like the friendship dynamic of their group isn't already completely confusing and perilous as it is; I was safe at a distance, and now I want to get involved?! I'll go, because I promised Becky I would, but B--- is so amazingly unresponsive. Coffee on Friday was extremely uncomfortable, B--- just sat there playing with his lemon tea bottle while Z---- kept leaning over to pinch Becky to tell her to somehow get B--- involved in the conversation; followed by Becky kicking Cath under the table to get her to talk to B---; Becky saying, "No, it'll be awkward!" when I whisper to her, "should I get B--- to move his chair in nearer?" And then it's my turn to go "NO!" when Becky says, "should I bring up the whole Formal thing with B---?"

So yeah, I don't know what's happening.
......................

In a moment of weakness, I went yesterday.
But you weren't there, and I was ok.