Thursday, October 05, 2006
The Newly Twenty
Do you get those days when you wake up with a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach? And nothing quite goes right. I had a free period 3 and 4 today and could have gone home at 10.45am , but because we had compulsary assembly in last period, we had to stay until 3.30pm.
I left. I left at 12, feeling guilty and a little bit scared of the consequences of leaving when I wasn't supposed to. I trammed down Camberwell to the train station. Walked into the station. Waited. Train to flinders came. Doors opened. I stood at the doors and thought, "This isn't right. If I step into that train, I am going to take a step in a moral direction I don't want to go. This isn't right."
So I took a step back, walked out of the station, and took the tram back to school. I can imagine how stupid the world thinks I am. They must be thinking - Oh stupid you, you could have got an extra 4 hours of study done, but you decide to go back to school, you chicken. Do you want a pat on the back for doing the 'right thing'? Want a party thrown in your honour? A statue erected along St. Kilda Road? Do you want it to read - "Here stands A.C. Integrity and rock solid conscience, or a foolish, chicken hearted time waster?"
No, I don't want a pat on the back. I don't want a statue along St Kilda road. All I want is a world (that doesn't exist anymore.)
So I do the 'right thing'. I didn't expect to be rewarded for it. BUT I DID NOT ASK TO BE BLOODY PUNISHED FOR IT. (as in, divine punishment) because things took a turn for the worse after I went back. Like the most shit boring assembly in the history of assemblies. Like having the bloody tram after school take 15 bloody minutes to come. Like sitting across some annoying gabbling year 9s. Like having bloody carey people on the tram (no there's nothing wrong with them, it's not their fault, it's just that their school conjures up unpleasant associations in my mind because of...) Like being laughed at again and again over some money thing (can't explain this) Like exploding over something small. Like coming home and taking out my frustrations at my mum and sis. Like walking along the Tam and getting sand in my shoe. Like sitting on the grass near the botanical gardens and getting ants in my pant(ies). Like slipping down the steep slope and getting a few scrapes because of that. Like getting locked into the gardens and having to walk all the way to gate F. Like having to pass by Sturt street and having old wounds reopened. Like listening to a song and having my iPod die on me. And it was a great song, too.
Ok. Self-pitying rant is over. I'll be good now.
--------------------
"A ring has been created that reminds men that it's their wedding anniversary. The Remember Ring heats up every hour the day before the chosen date to remind the wearer of its significance. The heat is created by a small internal device. All you have to do is specify your anniversary date when you order the ring and it will be programmed accordingly. " the Age oddspot, Friday September 29 2006
No frickin way. Helping men get away with not knowing their anniversary dates? That's bullshit. What, you mean their brains are too occupied with sex, cars and booze to remember the anniversary of oh, a 'tiny, insignificant, unimportant' thing like the day they formalise and ceremonise their commitment to their partners, whom they choose to you know, spend the rest of their lives with, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy that they need to rely on this?? Bullshit! Don't let them get away with it!
Am I turning into a femi-nazi? Maybe.
But men, they're all the same, all the same after all.
Apt to whack in a quote from P&P (never diss the Austen, man!)
"Careful my dear, that savors strongly of bitterness."
I left. I left at 12, feeling guilty and a little bit scared of the consequences of leaving when I wasn't supposed to. I trammed down Camberwell to the train station. Walked into the station. Waited. Train to flinders came. Doors opened. I stood at the doors and thought, "This isn't right. If I step into that train, I am going to take a step in a moral direction I don't want to go. This isn't right."
So I took a step back, walked out of the station, and took the tram back to school. I can imagine how stupid the world thinks I am. They must be thinking - Oh stupid you, you could have got an extra 4 hours of study done, but you decide to go back to school, you chicken. Do you want a pat on the back for doing the 'right thing'? Want a party thrown in your honour? A statue erected along St. Kilda Road? Do you want it to read - "Here stands A.C. Integrity and rock solid conscience, or a foolish, chicken hearted time waster?"
No, I don't want a pat on the back. I don't want a statue along St Kilda road. All I want is a world (that doesn't exist anymore.)
So I do the 'right thing'. I didn't expect to be rewarded for it. BUT I DID NOT ASK TO BE BLOODY PUNISHED FOR IT. (as in, divine punishment) because things took a turn for the worse after I went back. Like the most shit boring assembly in the history of assemblies. Like having the bloody tram after school take 15 bloody minutes to come. Like sitting across some annoying gabbling year 9s. Like having bloody carey people on the tram (no there's nothing wrong with them, it's not their fault, it's just that their school conjures up unpleasant associations in my mind because of...) Like being laughed at again and again over some money thing (can't explain this) Like exploding over something small. Like coming home and taking out my frustrations at my mum and sis. Like walking along the Tam and getting sand in my shoe. Like sitting on the grass near the botanical gardens and getting ants in my pant(ies). Like slipping down the steep slope and getting a few scrapes because of that. Like getting locked into the gardens and having to walk all the way to gate F. Like having to pass by Sturt street and having old wounds reopened. Like listening to a song and having my iPod die on me. And it was a great song, too.
Ok. Self-pitying rant is over. I'll be good now.
--------------------
"A ring has been created that reminds men that it's their wedding anniversary. The Remember Ring heats up every hour the day before the chosen date to remind the wearer of its significance. The heat is created by a small internal device. All you have to do is specify your anniversary date when you order the ring and it will be programmed accordingly. " the Age oddspot, Friday September 29 2006
No frickin way. Helping men get away with not knowing their anniversary dates? That's bullshit. What, you mean their brains are too occupied with sex, cars and booze to remember the anniversary of oh, a 'tiny, insignificant, unimportant' thing like the day they formalise and ceremonise their commitment to their partners, whom they choose to you know, spend the rest of their lives with, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy that they need to rely on this?? Bullshit! Don't let them get away with it!
Am I turning into a femi-nazi? Maybe.
But men, they're all the same, all the same after all.
Apt to whack in a quote from P&P (never diss the Austen, man!)
"Careful my dear, that savors strongly of bitterness."
# posted by me lah @ 7:54 pm 
