Sunday, January 21, 2007
I blame the patriachy
I've been meaning to blog about this for a while.
I've been meaning to say this for a while. And if you know me, you know this is a painful obsession of mine.
I am not pretty. I don't think I'm a hideous ogre, but I am plain. And I'm still trying to be ok with that (*takes deep breath* one step a day, people).
I am not thin. I don't think I'm obese, but I am not svelte. And I'm still trying to be ok with that (*takes deep breath* go away, cookies. Go away, chocolate.)
I know lots of people struggle with the same problems, of trying to deal with their plainness and weight issues. Make-up, changing their hair-styles, plunging neck lines (*coughs, shuffles feet*)
For many, blame is centred towards the self ("you have no self-control, piggy"), to parents ("you gave me bad genes"), and to the media.
But only one of them is at fault. Media, stop claiming you are a scapegoat for people's problems. You are, along with the beauty, fashion and advertising industry, a real and willing participant in the business of making people feel bad about themselves. It's time to stop blaming ourselves and start blaming the real culprits here. This sounds so much like a complete re-hasment of what has been said over and over and over again: the media sets up unrealistic images that blah dee blah... but why does this keep getting ignored, why are positive changes proceeding at such a glacial pace?? Why do some people still feel like they have every right to comment on how fuckable a person is and whether they'll 'hit that'? Why do some women do that whole 'elevator eyes' thing and behave so cattily to put other women in their place? Why the obsession with image, from both sexes, towards both sexes ?
Why has a particular ideal been put before us, and why are we told, "conform, or expect to be treated as if you're invisible"?
Why is there a universalisation of human desire?
Don't get me wrong. It's entirely your perogative, guys (and girls that swing that way, I'm not being heterosexist), to find blonde, big-tittied girls hot. There is nothing wrong with only going after Shu Qi types. And if Halle Berry does it for you, good on you. For girls, if you don't like the big meaty Jack Black type, that's fine. If you only date Brad Pitt types, that's fine too. And if the only guys you go after never look uglier than Edison Chen (a personal favourite of mine, I must admit), whatever. It's a personal preference, and no one can ever fault you for that.
The problem starts when the media and societal expectations make it seem weird or wrong to desire people who don't fit the current ideal. I remember reading an article about a guy who had a thing for fat women. He pretended to make fun with them along with his guy pals, because he felt that if he let his preference be known, he would be the one getting ribbed for having a ' fat fetish', or just given a hard time for being plain weird for liking some meat on a woman. Despite his rather self-congratulatory tone in his writing on overcoming his fear and marrying a fat woman, I thought that it was good that he did not succumb to societal pressures to desire a certain type.
After reading a blog entry (on Feministe, I think) that asked people to leave comments about what kind of people they preferred, I was genuinely quite amazed to see how diverse and wide-ranging the responses were. Sharp noses, noses with 'character' big ears, thick hair, thin hair, wavy hair, straight hair brown hair, red hair, blonde hair, curly hair, black hair, small lips, full lips, thin legs, muscular legs, flat stomachs, rounder stomachs, big bottoms, small bottoms, round bottoms, flat bottoms, intellectual types, snobbish types, argumentative types. In fact, I saw so few entries that claimed to prefer the current ideal, (most probably because it was a liberal, left-leaning feminist blog, and no way in hell were the readers going to 'pander to the patriachy').
So go on, folks. It's not a crime to love the big pecs and biceps and broad shoulders, love the big boobs and long hair and slim legs. What's a crime is allowing the media and beauty industries to continue to score big points off people's insecurities by insisting that only a certain type is acceptable. Human desire per se is not wrong, but universalising it is. Any practice that relentlessly and continously bombards broad sections of the population with messages that they are not good enough; any practice that narrows and denies the breadth and diversity of the human experience; by golly, that's wrong.
I've been meaning to say this for a while. And if you know me, you know this is a painful obsession of mine.
I am not pretty. I don't think I'm a hideous ogre, but I am plain. And I'm still trying to be ok with that (*takes deep breath* one step a day, people).
I am not thin. I don't think I'm obese, but I am not svelte. And I'm still trying to be ok with that (*takes deep breath* go away, cookies. Go away, chocolate.)
I know lots of people struggle with the same problems, of trying to deal with their plainness and weight issues. Make-up, changing their hair-styles, plunging neck lines (*coughs, shuffles feet*)
For many, blame is centred towards the self ("you have no self-control, piggy"), to parents ("you gave me bad genes"), and to the media.
But only one of them is at fault. Media, stop claiming you are a scapegoat for people's problems. You are, along with the beauty, fashion and advertising industry, a real and willing participant in the business of making people feel bad about themselves. It's time to stop blaming ourselves and start blaming the real culprits here. This sounds so much like a complete re-hasment of what has been said over and over and over again: the media sets up unrealistic images that blah dee blah... but why does this keep getting ignored, why are positive changes proceeding at such a glacial pace?? Why do some people still feel like they have every right to comment on how fuckable a person is and whether they'll 'hit that'? Why do some women do that whole 'elevator eyes' thing and behave so cattily to put other women in their place? Why the obsession with image, from both sexes, towards both sexes ?
Why has a particular ideal been put before us, and why are we told, "conform, or expect to be treated as if you're invisible"?
Why is there a universalisation of human desire?
Don't get me wrong. It's entirely your perogative, guys (and girls that swing that way, I'm not being heterosexist), to find blonde, big-tittied girls hot. There is nothing wrong with only going after Shu Qi types. And if Halle Berry does it for you, good on you. For girls, if you don't like the big meaty Jack Black type, that's fine. If you only date Brad Pitt types, that's fine too. And if the only guys you go after never look uglier than Edison Chen (a personal favourite of mine, I must admit), whatever. It's a personal preference, and no one can ever fault you for that.
The problem starts when the media and societal expectations make it seem weird or wrong to desire people who don't fit the current ideal. I remember reading an article about a guy who had a thing for fat women. He pretended to make fun with them along with his guy pals, because he felt that if he let his preference be known, he would be the one getting ribbed for having a ' fat fetish', or just given a hard time for being plain weird for liking some meat on a woman. Despite his rather self-congratulatory tone in his writing on overcoming his fear and marrying a fat woman, I thought that it was good that he did not succumb to societal pressures to desire a certain type.
After reading a blog entry (on Feministe, I think) that asked people to leave comments about what kind of people they preferred, I was genuinely quite amazed to see how diverse and wide-ranging the responses were. Sharp noses, noses with 'character' big ears, thick hair, thin hair, wavy hair, straight hair brown hair, red hair, blonde hair, curly hair, black hair, small lips, full lips, thin legs, muscular legs, flat stomachs, rounder stomachs, big bottoms, small bottoms, round bottoms, flat bottoms, intellectual types, snobbish types, argumentative types. In fact, I saw so few entries that claimed to prefer the current ideal, (most probably because it was a liberal, left-leaning feminist blog, and no way in hell were the readers going to 'pander to the patriachy').
So go on, folks. It's not a crime to love the big pecs and biceps and broad shoulders, love the big boobs and long hair and slim legs. What's a crime is allowing the media and beauty industries to continue to score big points off people's insecurities by insisting that only a certain type is acceptable. Human desire per se is not wrong, but universalising it is. Any practice that relentlessly and continously bombards broad sections of the population with messages that they are not good enough; any practice that narrows and denies the breadth and diversity of the human experience; by golly, that's wrong.
Labels: Feminism, Gender studies
# posted by me lah @ 5:17 pm 
