Friday, January 12, 2007
Raine with an 'E'
The weather is a good indication of my current mood. The rain just makes me want to stay home and sulk. Going out in the rain can be such a pain - feet get grimy and gritty if shoes are open-toed, or just moist and uncomfortable if shoes are close-toed. Plus the ends of the pants get soggy and wrinkled, umbrellas are inconvenient to hoist around, and you get the unpleasant experience of going into Singapore's numerous air-conditioned areas feeling damp and shivery.
(Oh hey, did I mention I'm not in a fabulous mood?)
I am getting really stressed out about the speech I'm supposed to make at school in February. It almost - almost but not quite - makes me wish I did worse in my VCE so I wouldn't have to go up on stage. I know that sounds obnoxious, plenty of people, myself included, would endure the discomfort of facing up to their phobias than to jeopardize their chances of getting into a favoured university course. And of course, had I done badly, no doubt I would give anything just to get a better score. So I have no right to complain and shall just do the stoic thing and deal with it.
Other times not spent going out for movies/shopping/barbecues/dining is spent worrying about whether I can limit the weight of my luggage to 20kg. I came back to Singapore with more than that, aided by some deceitful means such as putting all my heavy documents into my lap-top bag, which they don't weigh. Now that I've got more things to bring back, I forsee paying for overweight baggage, which my mum has made clear she will not tolerate. And I am a little ashamed to say that I've never flown alone before, which I will be doing on 18 Jan. I wouldn't mind flying to Singapore alone, because you know at the end of that long flight you'll be back among family and friends, and a smaller place that's easier to navigate. Flying to Melbourne alone isn't a particularly attractive prospect to me because the end of a journey means an almost empty apartment, pressure to get a job and to learn to drive, and the awful, awful speech thing looming ahead.
Oh and did I mention uni? I'm terrified about this. I still stress out over what to wear when going out, how on earth am I going to find enough outfits to wear to school everyday? Plus the people and the atmosphere intimidate the hell out of me. Primary school/ Secondary school/ college meant a uniform, some degree of familiarity, and teachers who actually know your name. And some structure for those of us who are extremely disorganised. Uni means independence and responsibility, qualities I don't yet think I have. Plus I haven't really been talking to my Melbourne friends, I think it'll take some time before we all get used to each other again. And since we're all going to different universities, it's sad but inevitable that we'll drift apart. Even if we don't, things will never be the same. Something I'm more willing to accept, I suppose, but that doesn't make it any easier to swallow.
(Oh hey, did I mention I'm feeling scared and alone?)
(Oh hey, did I mention I'm not in a fabulous mood?)
I am getting really stressed out about the speech I'm supposed to make at school in February. It almost - almost but not quite - makes me wish I did worse in my VCE so I wouldn't have to go up on stage. I know that sounds obnoxious, plenty of people, myself included, would endure the discomfort of facing up to their phobias than to jeopardize their chances of getting into a favoured university course. And of course, had I done badly, no doubt I would give anything just to get a better score. So I have no right to complain and shall just do the stoic thing and deal with it.
Other times not spent going out for movies/shopping/barbecues/dining is spent worrying about whether I can limit the weight of my luggage to 20kg. I came back to Singapore with more than that, aided by some deceitful means such as putting all my heavy documents into my lap-top bag, which they don't weigh. Now that I've got more things to bring back, I forsee paying for overweight baggage, which my mum has made clear she will not tolerate. And I am a little ashamed to say that I've never flown alone before, which I will be doing on 18 Jan. I wouldn't mind flying to Singapore alone, because you know at the end of that long flight you'll be back among family and friends, and a smaller place that's easier to navigate. Flying to Melbourne alone isn't a particularly attractive prospect to me because the end of a journey means an almost empty apartment, pressure to get a job and to learn to drive, and the awful, awful speech thing looming ahead.
Oh and did I mention uni? I'm terrified about this. I still stress out over what to wear when going out, how on earth am I going to find enough outfits to wear to school everyday? Plus the people and the atmosphere intimidate the hell out of me. Primary school/ Secondary school/ college meant a uniform, some degree of familiarity, and teachers who actually know your name. And some structure for those of us who are extremely disorganised. Uni means independence and responsibility, qualities I don't yet think I have. Plus I haven't really been talking to my Melbourne friends, I think it'll take some time before we all get used to each other again. And since we're all going to different universities, it's sad but inevitable that we'll drift apart. Even if we don't, things will never be the same. Something I'm more willing to accept, I suppose, but that doesn't make it any easier to swallow.
(Oh hey, did I mention I'm feeling scared and alone?)
Labels: School, University
# posted by me lah @ 4:01 pm 
Comments:
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don't worry dear, i'm sure you'll do fine. we all have to learn to be independent sometime in the next..er..xx no. of years. and good luck for the speech too.
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